2005-07-18 -- 11:53 p.m. I'm so tired of this... so fucking tired. I can't even tell you. I just want to go back to MI and fuckin do some hardcore drugs... and hopefully, maybe I'll never wake up. If there is a hell all they have to do is put my mom on the rage and keep me in a room with her forever. Anyway... I need to relax a little bit before I do something stupid. I swear to god if I didn't have self control I'd either kill myself or kill some one... and more then likely it would be some one rather then me... I'm kinda selfish for my life like that. Moving down to GA was the worst mistake of my life. And so was going to that stupid ass school. I wish I had a time machine... then I could go back to when I was like five and run away... maybe die in a dank little ally. Never remembering GA or MI or anything. Anything that would make me happy or sad. Its interesing that when one goes through transitions in life they start to overcome their wants... like me for MI. I want it so bad... mainly because I have friends. And then we hate our hates even more... eventually we hate everything so much that not wanted either good or bad is a hopefull out come... maybe I should just bang my head against the wall a few times untill it bleeds and I get sever brain damage... leave a note to my mother and tell her that it was all her fault... but she'd just justifiy it and call me somthing foul again... just like she always does. Or it would be my fathers fault. Anything but hers. Any excuse but her own. I'm going to try and find solace now. Nothng else matters at this point. The only reason I'm working tomarrow is because of my uncel.... We'll see about my friends later on... if I can even still call they some kind of friends. Peace out... by the way, I'm not going to take my own life... so shut the fuck up!