2005-04-30 -- 1:12 a.m. Man o man! I'm so sleepy right now, but I don't want to sleep. I just want to leave this place and never come back. I can't get my mind to stop. I'm getting paid soon and its a really good amount of money, so thats easing off the pressure a bit. I'm happy though. At least for what I once knew happy to be. Whatever happend between me and her changed me permenantly. And that is also a good thing. I just with that it would of been a little easier. My ming it won't stop anymore. It won't stop. Its just running a million miles a second. And no matter what I do, no matter how many ways I try to make it stop it keeps spinning. My mom just baought some Suki. I might go get drunk or something but that won't make it go away either... I'll just have a bunch of tattered fucked up memorys and a massive head ack. Whatever... I'm done, I mean, I want to be done. But I'll just keep spinning. Anton