2005-01-21 -- 8:01 p.m. I learned something new today. I don’t know quite what it is, however one thing I can say to everyone that reads this, and to everyone who doesn’t, is assumptions are the mother of all fuckups. Remember that, forever. Also remember that perpetration h is for the roids. Tanactain is for the feet and CVS brand triple antibacterial cream is for infections. I wish that some times I can take that CVS brand triple antibacterial cream and smear it across the scab I call my life. Its been oozing puss and yellow shit for the last two days. Maybe that would take away all the fuckups I’ve had. Moving on, on a lighter note… o, wait… there is not lighter note *laugh’s to self*. More like forced giggling. Nevertheless that’s kinda funny to me. Actually, ever since we moved everything that could of possibly gone wrong, has! Isn’t that great! Just dandy if you ask me. Now if only I could find that knife that’s been stabbed in my back, all three or four of them I’d be even better. I don’t mean knife’s from people, I mean knifes from life. Life has stabbed me in the back so many times now I look like a fucking pin cushion. For some reason every time I turn around the wind carry’s with it another stake knife, and it always finds room. Even though I don’t have anymore. For some reason everything I look it turns to gold. Everything I love turns into solid, lifeless and glowing gold. Everything I touch turn’s into criticism. Loud annoying, hurting criticism. And nothing every change’s every one is to much inside their ego to let them seem weak or wrong. God dammit! I fucking love you Sarah! Fucking kill me for it! I’d spend the rest of my life with you. I would. I’d take you away from all of this! I’d kill everything in our way! I’d… I’m going to go cry now. I’m going to cry for everything gold, and everything criticized, and everything wrong with me. Most of all I’m going to cry because I can’t be with you right now. And it fucking hurts every damn day. Everyday since I left. Anton/Tom